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Unresolved Issue
| Covered By |
Registration of Permanent Resident as voters by SPR with assistance of JPN
| JAIS ambushed church |
Super speed in approval for citizenship application by Permanent Resident by JPN
| JAIS ambushed church |
Out-of-court settlement on then MAS Tajuddin Ramli on summon and etc..
| MAS & Air Asia swap deal
|
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated here."
She goes to the bank manager to complain.
The manager agrees such foul language can't be accepted.
They both return to the window and ask the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
Old man: "There is no fucking problem, I just won $200 million bucks in the fucking lottery & I want to put my fucking money in this fucking bank."
Manager: "I see, and is this bitch giving you a fucking hard time sir?"
Moral of the story:
When money talks, nobody checks the Grammar!
For your reading pleasure....
Kuttappan is an Indian.
Kuttappan was bragging to his Boss one day, "You know..... I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone important, and I’m sure I will know them."
Tired of his boasting, his Boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan, how about Tom Cruise?" Kuttappan replies "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Kuttappan and his Boss fly out to Hollywood and knock, on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts," Hey Kutz!! Great to see you! You and your friend must come in and join me for lunch!"
They have a blast of a time. Katie Holmes even personally packs 2 sets of Masala Dosas, which is of course specially made by their South Indian chef. They bid each other farewell. Although impressed, Kuttappan's Boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing Cruise was just lucky. Kuttappan says "No, no, you go ahead and just name anyone else." "President Bush!" his Boss quickly retorts. Kuttappan says "Yes, OK, but I am telling you I don't like him very much, he is very cunning, anyway let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour and motions him and his Boss over, saying, "Kuttans! What a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting. The CIA just informed me Osama is heading for the Pakistan Border, Hey Kuttans, are you still on speaking terms with Osama, maybe you could confirm the information for me? Oh never mind! You and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the Boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Kuttappan who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope!" his Boss replies. "Sure! This I like, I've been meaning to see him, he is not keeping too well you know" says Kuttappan. "And I have a lot of friends in Vatican; it's like my second home! And me and the Pope go back a long way, surely this will be a good trip"
So off they fly to Rome. Kuttappan and his Boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Kuttappan says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." The Boss shakes his head unbelievably and says "Yeah right!!"
Still so, Kuttappan disappears into the crowd, headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Kuttappan emerges with the Pope on the balcony, waves to the crowds with the Pope and takes leave. But by the time Kuttappan returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his Boss’ side, Kuttappan asks him, "What happened?" His Boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, and "Who's that on the balcony with Kuttappan?
As reported by Channel 907...
Kuala Lumpur, 19 July. Dewan Bahasa dan Perkasa (DBP) today confirmed that the word ”BERSIH” will be banned and taken out from the Malay lexicology. The chairman of DBP, Tan Sri Faizal Suresh Abdullah announced the decision at a press conference held at DBP’s main campus at Jinjang, north of the city.
“We are only following the Government directive. They said BERSIH is illegal, so we also follow lah. We are part of the same government, you know. From today onwards, nobody can use the word bersih. Anyone caught doing otherwise can be fined RM 5,000 or jailed for two years or both”, stressed Tan Sri Faizal.
When quizzed by newsmen what alternative words the public could use instead of bersih, Tan Sri Faizal added “we are not stupid. We have already thought about the inconvenience this ban might cause to the public. So, we had a lab, chaired by none other than Datuk Idris Jala, which studied the problem closely. And we came up with a brilliant alternative”.
To a question by Channel 907 correspondent, Lattalilat Thamplom, Tan Sri Faizal said “since this problem was started by that freakin Indian woman, Ambiga, we have decided to replace the word bersih with ambiga. Very clever isn’t it”.
According to DBP "since this Indian woman started the problem, we are going to substitute bersih with her name. Clever isn't it ?"
DBP has released guidelines for this change of terminology that advises the public the right way of replacing bersih with ambiga. Extracts from the guidelines are appended below :
Contoh ayat menggunakan perkataan ambiga
Contoh 1
- Cara lama
-- Murid-murid perlu menjaga kebersihan bilik darjah masing-masing
=> Cara baru
==> Murid-murid perlu menjaga keambigaan bilik darjah masing-masing
Contoh 2
- Cara lama
-- Pantai itu sungguh bersih
=> Cara baru
==> Pantai itu sungguh ambiga
Contoh 3
- Cara lama
-- Kamar itu dibersihkan oleh orang gaji saya
=> Cara baru
==> Kamar itu diambigakan oleh orang gaji saya
Contoh 4
- Cara lama
-- Cuci bersih
=> Cara baru
==> Cuci ambiga
MNN has been reliably informed that many Local councils are now considering using the AMBIGA rating system for assessing cleanliness of restaurants. Instead of the conventional A, B and C or star ratings, restaurants may be rated 1Ambiga, 2Ambiga or 3Ambiga.
Channel 907 - your most reliable source of reliable news